Letters to the Littles

What were you like when you were 6 years old?  

Take a few moments to sit with this question. 

What do you remember about the younger you? How would you describe yourself? What qualities did you have? What did you like to do? What did you dream about for your future? 

A few years ago, I was talking with my sister about a particular decision I was struggling with. I said something along the lines of “I am not confident” and “I struggle with commitment”. 

Her response took me by surprise. She stared at me dumbfounded and said “what are you talking about?” She continued, saying I was one of the most confident and committed people she knew. 

My gut instinct was to respond and prove all the ways I was right about my lack of confidence and commitment, but before the words came out there was a knowing. And I thought maybe she knew a different Julianne than I did. 

It wasn’t a false Julianne. Rather, it was a Julianne from a different time. It was a Julianne before she got in her head. It was a Julianne before she believed certain messages about herself. In fact, I’ve come to believe it is a truer Julianne.

I thought about how my sister knew me. I thought about the stories she would share with someone to describe me. I thought about the words she spoke to me, “you are one of the most confident and committed people I know.” 

And I held those stories up against the ones I was using to describe me. 

Somewhere along the way things had shifted for me. Little Julianne felt like a different person in many ways. And when I sat with why I started identifying moments of shame and I saw the impact of those moments on who I’ve become. 

Shame changes us. It tells us a new story. 

It has been years of reflecting on this. Years of identifying the moments where I lost a little bit of who I am. 

But that’s not the end of the story. Shame is only in control so long as we let it. 

At the same time I was reflecting on moments of shame in my life shifting the story, I couldn’t help but identify the great stories too. Stories not run by shame, but stories run by courage. These stories had just as much power to change me. 

Because change is not bad. I believe we are meant to change, to grow, and to become. I love change and growth. I love that we have an opportunity to create with our lives. 

And as I look at who I am and who I long to be, I know little Julianne has something to teach me. I am on a journey of rediscovering little Julianne and reclaiming parts of myself.

So, this is a blog. It is a medium for creativity, and, dare I say, a hobby (if you read my previous post that call back will make more sense). More than a creative outlet, however, it is therapy for my heart. 

This is a blog of all the learnings and lessons I wish little Julianne knew, and the lessons I hope to share with the littles in my life. These are my Letters to the Littles, to the ones who are and are discovering who they are, and to the ones who have been and are rediscovering.

For you: If someone who knew you when you were a kid met you again today, what would they think? What stories would they tell about you? How would they describe you? What has shifted for you? How have you grown? What have you gained? What have you lost? What do you long to reclaim for yourself?