On belonging

“Sometimes you just have to choose to belong”

The words were out of my mouth before I really had a chance to process them. 

In an attempt to connect with a client, I was sharing an experience I have often found myself in — there are few spaces in my life where I feel a sense of belonging. In fact, I have a tendency to show up in different spaces as what I describe as the little sister who’s mom made her older siblings bring her along. 

I had a mentor who challenged me on my little sister ways, asking me what it would take for me to feel as though I belong. 

Perhaps if I was older or married or had children. Or if I had a PhD or more experience. If I was more talented or witty. 

But what I realized as I was making my list, and what I shared with my client, is that at some point we need to just choose to belong. 

Our feelings can deceive us at times. And feeling like you don’t belong doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t. 

So I am trying on what it looks like to choose belonging. And I think I like it. 

And, to my younger self, little Julianne, I would hope you know you belong. I’m not sure where that message was lost for us, but I would hope you never let it go again. You are already worthy. You do not need to earn belonging, you just need to choose it.