On identity

At one point in my life, identity was the hot topic. I’ve filled many journals processing my thoughts about it. I’ve had many conversations debating and discussing with friends. I have even shared my thoughts from the stage. It was a subject I was incredibly passionate about. 

And while that passion has shifted to other topics throughout my life, identity will always hold a special place. 

It was one of the first big “aha” moments when it came to my faith and understanding myself. And even though it gets less headlines in my mind, it is a foundation I have built my life on. 

So what is it about identity? 

I grew up one of four siblings and growing up everyone had their thing. The thing that they were exceptional at. For my brother it was computers and all things tech. For my older sister is was music and art. And for my younger sister it was athletics. They all found a thing and they are still a thing for each of them. They all found careers around that thing. 

But I never really had that thing. 

My family tried giving me academics. I was a smart kid. In high school I went through the International Baccalaureate program and by default school became my life. But the problem with academics being your thing and being surrounded by really smart kids, is that it is very easy to measure against those around you. And compared to the other kids in IB I was hovering around average. Academically, I was not exceptional. 

When I was a teen I started volunteering at a summer camp and it changed my life. 

First, I found my thing. I was an exceptional leader. I was a natural. And camp was a place that brought it out of me and put a label on it. I went on to work at that camp training other leaders for many years. 

So I found my thing, but more importantly, the gift camp gave me was the learning that my identity is not rooted in what I do. My identity is not in the thing. 

Our identity is rooted in who we are, not what we do. 

It’s not that what we do isn’t important, but they are often passing. An injury can prevent us from continuing with the thing, or perhaps we simply lose interest for a season. 

If we find our identity in things that pass, we will find ourselves in a crisis. 

Instead, when we focus on identity as who we are, we lay a solid foundation. I can do many things and I can shift interests and beliefs with ease, because who I am is not dependent on them. I am still me.

I don’t have a clear way to define the do-identity from the are-identity. But you will know it for yourself. You will know when you are finding your identity in something that is passing. You might not know it right away. You might not know until it has passed and you are left in a state of panic - the identity crisis. But take courage, that was never your true identity. It shaped you, it has left a mark on you, it has given your wonderful stories, but it was never you. 

I urge you to seek out the ways the thing has shaped you. When you do, you will be closer to discovering your identity. 

It’s okay to get lost in the thing. It’s wonderful, actually. I hope for the littles in my life they find the things that make them come alive and that they pour themselves into it. May they get lost in the doing. And simultaneously, may they know they are so much more than what they do. May they be rooted in who they are. And may I be one to speak that over them.